so i thought about it,
and i’ve finally realized tonight, that i don’t need jimmy to be happy. this morning he was being all nice and acting like there’s a strong possibility that with time, we’ll get better and we’d start going back out. but then tonight he was just being a prick, and you know what, i don’t deserve that. i know i wasn’t the greatest of girlfriends to him and i did get too mad too often, but he knows what i’m going through at home and he says he understands, but if he really did, he’d be able to stay with me and help me through my hard times. i’m not going to be a pushover and let him think he can treat me like crap half the time now that we’re broken up and i really want him back, because he can’t, i’m not willing to give up my self-respect for someone.
yes, i obviously miss him. and yes, i’m dying to talk to him, but with help from friends i realized that holding back on my urges to text him or call him, will make him realize he’s screwed up too, and that not talking to him will probably make him miss me. if he does eventually want me back, i’m not sure if i’ll have him anymore. i know i’ll find someone else, given time and when i’m ready for it. i have a ton of baggage to deal with, but the right person for me will help me take care of it, not leave me for it.
my throat has hurt all day long from trying to hold in all my tears. i’m so fucking confused. tonight was so great and it was just like normal and then you just say you’re not making any promises and you’re going out with your friends. you get my hopes up so high and then just let me down hard. i don’t know what to say to you because everytime i just look at you i get an intense urge to cry my eyes out. you say everything’s going to be okay no matter what happens and that even if we do break up for good, we’ll be friends. you tell me to go out and “shop” but that’s the last thing on my mind right now. it’s only been a day and i can already tell this won’t get any easier.
i want so bad to fall back right now, but i know if i do, you’d never take me back.
right now it’s just so hard to think because i’m missing you.
izzy
my puppy’s crazy, she keeps barking at nothing and then runs around my mommys room, goes under the bed then goes back to the window to bark more.
i wub her <33
got the iphone back finally
after one very long month, i got my phone back. apparently it was in best buy for 10 days and they just neglected to call me, cute right?
OH, and today at work i was literally two minutes late. TWO. because i was looking for my name tag in my car in the back of the store. 15 minutes after i punch in my manager tells me that yesterday i gave him a lame excuse for being late when i finally came in, even though i called in ahead of time and told them i was gonna be late. i was stuck in queen what the do you me to do, fuckhead. and he told me that next time i’m late, i’m getting suspended. even though before yesterday, i was only more than five minutes late a few times and other than that i’m always on time.
fuck stop and shop i fucking hate that place it consumes my life.
(via loveyourchaos)
the heat in my house just got fixed today, i’ll have my first night of sleep without shivering in a while
i took this a while ago while i was home alone, bored and depressed.
i haven’t really shown it to anyone because i know what people will think.
possibly getting a new job very soon.
today my dad told me that he knows someone who knows someones that’s the president of the chase bank somewhere over by me and that i could easily get a job there. if i do, i’ll be starting off making $15 to $20 an hour, more than double what i make after working at stop and shop for over a year. this is the offer of my teenage life. stop and shop can suck a fat one, because i don’t think anyone would be ill to pass up that kind of money.
“title and registration” - death cab for cutie.
